20th treasure [text]

[captainash]

The only guests to my anniversary party were a big bunch of Krabbys, and they were only there for the food. I guess even after a whole year here, you can still reach new lows. That's actually kinda reassuring, in a very twisted way.



Ketchup isn't bad for crabs, right? Some of them are starting to look a little pale.

Comments

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[captainash]

What, have you successfully hidden Jynx in many cakes since then?

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[plushaeusrumpified]

oh nah sorry my bad.
i meant back home.
there was a bachelor party accident.
it all turned out well in the end but needless to say that liver could have gone well with some onions.
so yeah i learned from that.
i know how to do it right.

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[captainash]

...A bachelor party that involves people in cakes, alive or dead, instead of mobile suits is a sad, sad thing.

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[plushaeusrumpified]

excuse me but uh no.
it was pretty rad.
everybody got a lap dance and she smelled like country fried dinner.
whats sad about that?

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[captainash]

The country fried dinner part. The lap dance is great as long as the bride-to-be doesn't mind.

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[plushaeusrumpified]

im pretty sure she didnt mind.
also that was one of the best parts idk what youre talking about.
but whatever floats your boat.
ill make positive to keep your jynx from smelling anything like a texan dinner.

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[captainash]

Very much appreciated, thank you.
I don't even want to know what you'd have to do to an Ice-type to make her smell like that. Get her burned by the food? Wrap her in cold meat?

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[plushaeusrumpified]

bake her at 350 until shes a nice golden brown?

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[captainash]

Burning an Ice-type is unnecessarily cruel and will definitely get you arrested. Is that really worth it?

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[plushaeusrumpified]

whoa whoa easy there.
no need to mention the police.
i was kidding.
do i really look like the kind of person who would commit animal cruelty?
nah man. nah.

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[captainash]

Of course. From your words, you sound as innocent as a lamb.

...The normal kind of lamb, not the Mareep kind that shocks you while you're trying to pick up berries.

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[plushaeusrumpified]

...nnnnnnno.
i think mareep actually describes me perfectly.
innocent as a mareep.
yeah.

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[captainash]

See, that's the sort of comment that might make people back away slowly.

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[plushaeusrumpified]

oh come on.
we used to be friendly acquaintances.
dont let a little story about a stripper scare you away.
remember how you thought i was decent before i brought it up?
lets go back to that.

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[captainash]

...I guess I can pretend I've heard nothing, for now.

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[plushaeusrumpified]

good.
i mean it aint like i did it on purpose or anything.
so yeah.
but if it makes you feel better i can always just.
send you a cake without a living thing inside.

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[captainash]

That would probably be for the best. Considering the speed of Pidgey mail, there might not be a cake left by the time it gets here.

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[plushaeusrumpified]

damn youre right.
ah well.
maybe one day.
but anyway i guess now that ive creeped you out and shit you probably wanna have some time alone to evaluate your life and choices.
so consider this your opportunity to stop talking to me without hurting my feelings.
take it or leave it bro.

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[captainash]

You know what, I think I'll take it.
If only because one of the crabs is kinda shaking right now.
Studying crab seizures has always been a dream of mine.

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[plushaeusrumpified]

you lead such an exciting life my friend.
good luck with your crabs.

[He clicks the gear off then, snickering at his double entendre.]