41st treasure [AUDIO]

[captainash]

[The transmission coming from Ash's Pokégear is particularly noisy today. Nearby, a Pokémon giggles. Some distance away, a woman sobs and a man panics.]

-ling you I'm sorry! I never intended to say it out loud, I was going to keep it to myself!

[That... was obviously the wrong thing to say, because the sobbing now gains in intensity.]

Look, just because I'm not desperate enough doesn't mean- Bouncy, turn that off.

[And turn that off, Bouncy does, just in time to spare the network an atrocious wail.]

Comments

audio

[veggie_vamp]

Whoa! W-what's going on over there?

audio

[captainash]

I refused an invitation for coffee a bit more... harshly than I'd intended. I was going to let her down gently, I swear.

audio

[veggie_vamp]

Sheesh, if this your version of gentle... you've got to make it up to her!

Say she's too good for you!

audio

[captainash]

...After what I said initially, she's definitely not going to believe that. Besides, I wouldn't mean a word of it.

audio

[veggie_vamp]

Then... apologize in a really embarrassing way! Then she'll be glad she didn't end up with you!

audio

[captainash]

I don't particularly want to embarrass myself for the sake of someone I don't care about.

[A beat.]

I really didn't mean for that to come out so harshly.

[He sounds horrified.]

audio

[veggie_vamp]

Oooh, you're making things worse, I bet she can still hear you! If you want her to stop crying, you've got to pull out all the stops and make yourself one big, giant, humiliating mess!

audio

[captainash]

Can't I just give her apology chocolates instead, or maybe a gift card to a nice coffee shop? ...Wait, that might give her the idea that she still has a chance.

audio

[veggie_vamp]

Exactly! She can't think you changed her mind, you have to make her think it's a relief she didn't become your girlfriend!

audio

[captainash]

So, what, am I supposed to just tell she probably could do better than a deadbeat married man who was wanted dead by two different governments?

[...Shit. He really really really didn't intend to mention that.]

audio

[veggie_vamp]

... Captain Ash...

... That's perfect! And wow, right off the top of your head! She'll feel better in no time!

[thank goodness he said it to the one person who's ditzy enough to actually think this.]

audio

[captainash]

[He's both very thankful and very alarmed.]

...Knowing that sort of restricted information might make her feel better, but it's also likely to get her killed if certain people from my world show up.

audio

[veggie_vamp]

Oooh, good angle! You can tell her it's not you, it's the people after you! She'll keep quiet while also feeling good about herself!

audio

[captainash]

Or she'll think I'm completely insane. But I guess that'd keep her away too, right? As long as she doesn't call the authorities.

audio

[veggie_vamp]

It's a win-win, way to go!

audio

[captainash]

...Thirteen years as one of the most feared men in space, only to lose most of my dignity and cred because of a divorcee in her forties. None of my men would ever let me live it down.

audio

[veggie_vamp]

I won't tell a soul, promise!

audio

[captainash]

Your discretion is very much appreciated. Not to mention it's the safest option for you, too.

audio

[veggie_vamp]

Right, right, the whole secret 'gunna kill you' deal, I got it.

[She's still convinced he made it up.]

Just try not to hurt anymore ladies, okay?

audio

[captainash]

As long as they're not piloting mobile suits and trying to kill me, they should be fine. Besides, it's not as if I can hurt them as much as I've hurt Romary.

[Add that one to the list of things he didn't particularly want to admit.]